REPLICA TITANIC SINKS IN NANTON PARADE

“NOT EVEN GOD HIMSELF CAN DESTROY THIS FLOAT!” DECLARES LOCAL MAN SECONDS BEFORE FLOAT CRASHES IN ANNUAL NANTON DAYS PARADE

NANTON, ALBERTA

I sometimes wonder if I make news or if news makes me. In this issue of the Experiment, probably a bit of both.

It seems my Titanic float in the Nanton Days parade was destined to be a complete disaster. (Who’d’ve thought?)

(continued below, silly ...)

NANTON, ALBERTA

The shipbuilders who first imagined the Titanic were clearly the go-big-or-go-home type. I, myself, am much the same. Only, I prefer to go big and then go home, as in, before I hurt somebody.

It seems like almost every day at the MacEwan Schoolhouse/Visitor Information Centre I reaffirm my Petercratic Oath to ‘first, do no harm to Nanton.’ Nanton's famed Nanton Days parade is no exception.

Those who know me know I love a good float. What better way to honour a love for floating than with a parade float of one of the biggest things to ever have floated—H.M.S. Titanic.

If you’re an avid reader of this fine miniature newspaper you’ll recall the Great “Ducksaster” of July 2015, when I was relentlessly dive-bombed by ducks going for an innocent float down Mosquito Creek in a kayak. That day, I named the kayak Titanic because it was unsinkable.

So. Last weekend, for the Nanton Days parade I painted Titanic Kayak black and red and jury-rigged it behind my truck, which I made into a cardboard iceberg.

I know, I know. The theme of the parade was “Authentic Alberta.” But, while any Alberta-connection to the H.M.S. Titanic* is tangential at best, the true authenticity of my Titanic disaster more than made up for any lack of Alberta-ness.

Just like actual Titanic, I rushed to finish construction, skimped on building materials and equipment that would have prevented disaster, generally had too much faith in my engineering prowess, and ultimately, it was shipwrecked in a public, metaphorically apropos way.

OH THE HUMANITY!

“...well, it’s not the first wreck

the Titanic’s had...”

local comedian remarks

as I frantically try to

remove Titanic wreck

from parade route.

As soon as I pulled out into the parade route, my Titanic rolled off the back of the truck and all hopes of being in the 2015 parade were sunk. Instead, I went down with the ship—right down to the Auditorium Hotel for a beer.

But don’t worry. I won’t give up my dream of public floating; it only redoubled my desire to go bigger and badder in 2016.

Maybe I will attempt some sort of hyrdogen-filled dirigible. x

IN PICTURES:

TOP: High hopes as Titanic float sets sail. CENTRE: Mini newspaper headlines everywhere—well, mostly just in Nanton—tell of Titanic float’s demise. BOTTOM: Salvage operation begins; come to VIC for recovered artifacts.

_________________________________________________________________________

* NOT TRUE, ACTUALLY!—There in fact IS an Alberta connection to the real H.M.S. Titanic. Two Calgarians were aboard the ship—businessman Albert Dick and his wife Vera. As the ship sank, Vera was loaded into a lifeboat as per the rule of saving women and children first. In the chaos, Albert was pushed off the deck into a lifeboat below. (Pret-ty convenient ...) Though forced to live with the shame of taking someone else's place, Albert and Vera returned to life as normal until their death in 1970 and 1973, respectively. They are buried at Calgary's Union Cemetery.