10 "journalisticky" experiments to look forward to this summer in Nanton

Ah, Nanton ... Summertime and the miniature newspapering is easy. Many people have asked me—one person anyway—"Peter, what you going to do all summer in the Visitor Information Centre?"

In a word: write. In two words: do experiments. In a few more words ... well, I'll just let you read now ...

1. WHAT THE FOXES SAY

I do my best David Attenborough impression while filming the nocturnal activities of a troop of foxes apparently denning beneath Nanton's MacEwan Schoolhouse / my office.

2. MINTY Q-TIPS

Expectoration is a billion-dollar global market, but as orifices go, ears are, so to speak, an untapped market. This is the story of how the dissolution of toothpaste in one man’s shaving kit may—no, no, WILL!— revolutionize the ear-cleaning market.

3. BAD NEWS BEARS

Send bad news in a good way. Break up using a custom third-party melodic jingle in a ukelele-a-gram, or inform someone it's their turn to unplug the shower drain with a note inside a Bad News Bear. Also, long-distance bad news can be sent every Monday via telephone Mariah-Careyoke, but—insert Bad News Bear—I will no longer be singing anyone "One Sweet Day." It's ... just too sad.

4. COUNTRYCIZING

Free workouts for the outdoorsy eccentric too cheap to buy a gym membership. Part-parcour, part-yoga, part-me-making-things-up-on-the-run, it's an exercise regiment you are sure to remember.*

*Remember as the time you made a mistake talking to that mini newspaper guy.

5. CRIBBAGE CLOTHING

In addition to free 24/7 cribbage lessons, I offer to crib clothes for anyone desiring their belt or shoes be transformed into a much more useful cribbage board. They're practical, fashionable and will impress your friends at the bar/old folk's home.

6. GINNYGIN-GIN-GINGEROO...

This is an experiment whereby I revist a Hornby Island ginnery and its kindly owner Peter Kimmerly to write a miniature newspaper while drinking said gin... whilst making up words like ginnery.

7. WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS IS A FEW MORE BLACKSMITHS

Speaking of old, awesome stories, I revisit another old, awesome man with an old, awesome trade — blacksmithing. Martin Reinhardt is a master blacksmith, a sculptor, an inventor of a wall-mounted kindling-splitter called Mr. Quicksplit and a chemist or — chemistry’s medieval precursor — an alchemist. He possesses an ability to turn rusty old steel into powerful wrought iron, something stronger and as historically significant as gold. We plan to make Inuit knives, called ulus.

8. NEWSPAPER EULOGIES / POCKET OBITS

In this experiment, we corner the niche market in funeral pamphletry for the discerning man or woman who wants to ensure they make the front page of the newspaper when they kick. Also, pocket obituaries so you have one at the ready and this doesn't happen.

9. WHAT DOES THE PALYNOLOGIST SAY

Last summer, a Calgary palynologist gave me his business card. In this experiment we get all our tough palynological questions answered such as what’s a palynologist?

10. NOTHIN' WATCHIN'

This experiment is a simple walking tour of nothing Bird watching? People watching? Nope, just watching. And Nanton has a whole LOT of weird northing to take in (such as above). I also offer this guided tour of nothing in conjuction with my soon-to-be-famous "scents and sounds" blind-folded tour.